Movie Review: Year One

Stone here, and you know it is a slow week in moviedom when your only two choices are a chick flick and a comedy. So I chose to see Year One. Want to know about it? Are you sure? Read on then.

This movie blows donkey balls. I think I shall refer to these movies as having the Van Helsing Syndrome – really good and fun ideas gone horribly wrong. That’s what Year One is, a movie that could have been. I mean they even leave it open for a sequel involving Moses. I’ll get to that later, but right now I want my money back. This entire movie seems to be geared to the prepubecent crowd as it is nothing but one really long sex joke. I expected some kind of tounge in cheek humor with the wealth of options open to them. Take some cavemen and throw them into the stories of the Bible. Could have been. But isn’t. It never took it’s time to just tell a fun story. Instead we are forced to endure quick segments that just happen all glued together with sex humor. And not even good sex humor at that. I could see where I would have gone in a different direction with this idea. I would have taken my time and made an intelligent comedy, not a juvenille piece of mediocrity. And it sucks cause it leaves itself open for more with Jack Black going into Egypt with a staff, which I could only lead to a moses/mistaken identity/deadly plagues deal. Oh well.

• Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Period.

• There is so much to complain about. Where to start? The cast? The lame jokes? The dumb sex jokes? theres just too much to list here.
• Having to pay to see this thing.
• Eating poo, rubbing hairy men with oil, were there no lows they would not sink to?

0 out of 5. I ain’t gonna waste anymore breath on this POS. If you have a choice of stabbing out your eyes or seeing this movie, stab out your eyes. You’ll end up stabbing your eyes out anyways after you see this movie. Save yourself two hours.