[Movie Review] Joe Loves G.I.Joe: The Rise of Cobra!
Short Review: It’s Just like Playing with the Toys back when you were a Kid. Battles, Battles and More Battles. G.I.Joe was a great way to end the summer blockbuster season of 2009. Despite some dumb dialouge and plot points the film was well worth the money!
I’ll start by saying, I Enjoyed G.I.Joe more than Transformers 2, and unlike apparently all the “film-critics” I LIKED Transformers 2. G.I.Joe was a bad ass way to end your Summer Blockbuster Season, I recommend you go see it at the best looking picture theater in your town.
The Film Starts off in the best way possible – a Bad Ass Battle. The Joe’s are transporting a new military weapon technology, nano-bots (housed in missiles). Of course Cobra shows up in a high tech aircraft and starts blasting the Apache helicopter escorts out of the sky, making short work of them and the rest of the convoy. It’s obvious all of these insanely powerful vehicles in the movie are destined to become toys and you know what? Fucking Good for them.
They are bad ass, if I wasn’t so damn old I would want to play with these things. Our two main characters Ripcord and Duke as they are saved by the elite G.I.Joe Unit. They are destined to join the team and the rest of the plot is something you can find out for yourself. Essentially it has a power hungry villain the cobra commander creating these super weapons with other peoples money then stealing them back and using them to take over the world – with the Joe’s doing their part to keep him in check.
Whats important to me for a movie like this was the action, and this movie DELIVERED! HEAVILY. If Terminator Salvation would have had the amount of raw battles that G.I.Joe had then maybe it would have succeeded as its creators had hoped. In Joe we get, Helicopter Battles, Ground Firefights, and Armored Cobra Soldiers that reminded me of the bullet soaking Army of Two Guys.
I can see the Family Resemblance for sure!
We get High Tech Computer Technology, Futuristic Weapons, and even an underwater Battle that I turned to my friend and said, “Damn we even get an underwater battle, i’ve never seen one of these! Hell ya!” That scene was awesome, yall know how in love I am with Space Battles, and this reminded me of star wars X-wing vs. Tie Fighter only Underwater! Great stuff.
The movie wasn’t without its faults, your going to have to put up with CHESSY ASS dialogue that makes you roll your eyes. However, its not from the characters you would expect it from. I had thought Marlon Wayans was miscast, he wasn’t, all of his moments made me laugh and reminded me that this isn’t the sort of movie you take too serious. He did a great job. Channing Tatum as Duke was average, but serviceable much like the Rest of the Joe’s. The Cobras are much the same way, apart from Cobra Commander, the Baroness, and the Whistling “Infiltrator” everyone else was background fodder.
Also, Ninjas. Snake Eyes is a Bad Ass, of course you already knew that just from looking at the guy. He never talks during the film but he was a powerful force on screen. I loved all of his encounters with Storm Shadow and I hope that this Rivalry continues in a sequel. Yep, I’m a Fan of the Franchise and I hope we see another. Its not at the levels that the new Star Trek film is, but its certainly better than the X-men Origins: Wolverine Film. I bought a few toys for the G.I.Joe Game Review and I honestly feel like ripping them open to play with them like I used to back in the day.
What you’ll Like:
• The Movie Starts off Strong as all Hell, I turned to my friend during the ambush scene and said, “Damn this thing kicked off right, this is bad ass!”
• Battles, Battles and more Battles – It was like playing with the G.I.Joe Toys back when I was a Kid.
• Snake Eyes.
• Marlon Wayans as Ripcord.
• The Accelerator suits grew on me, I liked them.
• Extra Points from “Space Battle Fanatic” Joe for including an Epic Underwater Sub Battle!
What you’ll Hate:
• Some seriously stupid Dialogue.
• Lazy Writing in some parts. You know that, “They just so happen to know how to do this” kinda stuff.
• The Stupid Ass Trailer that turned some people off from the movie.
• Cobra Commander’s New Look (better than the toy, but still disappointing)
Final Verdict:
8/10
the movie was bad but that’s becuse the director did not took it seriously
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This movie was SHIT! I know that you’re Angry Joe. But dude…seriously. For real? C’Moooooon!! STOP IT!
Have you SEEN the Original G.I.Joe Movie?! JUST THE OPENING THEME SONG WAS BETTER THAN THIS WHOLE MOVIE
Joe, this movie was caca. End of story
Also, All the new Transformers movies suck balls too. YUP!
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the first trailer with hollywood undead’s undead was ok
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I Think Transformer 2 Was Better
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I remember going out with my buddies to the movie theator. during the previews for G.I Joe, they showed a sceen where they were handing the cobra troops their new armor. Instantly I jumps up in my seat and yelled, “OH MY GOD!” because it looked alot like the armor from Army of Two. but then i sat back in disapointment once i saw the G.I. Joe title pop up. Fuck this movie. It was good, but Cobra Commander Was SOOOOOO short lived. I mean seriousely, how the hell do you introduce the MAIN VILLAN of G.I. Fucking Joe in the last 30 minutes of the film, only to get captured IN THE SAME SCENE! F@#$%^&*CK!
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this movie sucked hard cock. The action was cool, but the rest was crap.
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:/ This movies Cobra Commander lacked the awesomness of the original.
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they made it a movie for 12 year old kids
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My theory on CC’s new look is that I think they were trying a hybrid look of combining his hooded mask with his “chrome” face-shield. They already stated they weren’t going to use his hooded mask (due to it looking too “ku klux klan” which I think is stupid). They probably thought it was going to be a good idea, but it obviously had a terrible result. I don’t understand why they didn’t use his classic face-shield, it would’ve been awesome! Anyways I’m so happy Joe liked the movie, I agree with his pointers although there is one thing I want to add to the dislikes: Ripcord and Scarlett’s “romance”…LAME!!!
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I didn’t like Cobra’s new look. He looks like a reject back in Smallville
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Watched the movie the other day, and i really enjoyed. Lots of action and it was alot of fun, some cheesy parts in there and it was not even close to perfect but i still would recommend it to anyone.
On a side note i did have a group of guys in the cinema with me who completely slated it, laughing throughout and say how bad it was when they came out, which was quite funny.
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this movie was utter shit fuck
the black haired chick wasnt suppossed to be american
dennis quaid should have been the main character
the ninjas shouldnt of had back story
and the ninjas shouldnt die
the whole evil brother thing fucked it all up
the super suit gayed it up
if they make another one it better have serpentor damnit
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Ummm Snake Eyes and Storm Shadow always had a backstory. How can you call yourself a fan and not fucking know that. It is also fairly obvious that while Storm Shadow fell that odds are he isn’t dead.
Also Serpentor ruined the original cartoon if you ask me. The comic version was good. But the cartoon version sucked
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The only thing i disagree with is the number rating. (btw, for bad points, u may want to add some cgi mistakes, but no biggie). The problem I have with this is that 8/10 is making this movie seem almost damn near perfect. Like, lets say I gave LotR a 10/10, this rating gives the impressions that it is close to the caliber of LotR. as u said, the movie was self aware, knowing that it wouldn’t be an oscar winning epic, but it did deliver in what it advertised, action. Whoever came out the movie thinking it had to much action and not much great writing, really needs to understand the concept of a trailer, it gives a preview of the actual movie, the movie won’t be any different. If by the trailer u didnt like it, y did u go see it? Anyways, what ime saying is maybe create like a base to compare number ratings. like I would give this movie a 6-7 out of 10, and that means GOOD. ppl have the misconception that anything under 7 is horrible, but movies vary so much that a single unweighted number system would be too primitive to deliver a rating. Like, I would give D-9 a 9-10/10, so saying this is an 8, would mean putting it up with D-9, which no offense is not true. It was a great action movie, but don’t expect to look back at it purely on its own merit, and not nostalgia. BTW, i liked the review, it showed that critics (like you) can enjoy action movies.
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You guys should check out district 9.
I thought it was pretty sweet.
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I love Snake Eyes as much as the next guy, but why make the mask conform to his face like some sort of mold? He looks silly, & since when are badass Super-Ninjas silly?
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I actually agree with you, the ONLY part of the movie I did not like was the Baroness plot. WTF, NO Baroness is EVIL. If the game is a sequel, I kind of actually want to rent it despite it being terrible just to know why they have her on the evil side again.
Because THAT IS WHAT SHE IS EVIL. She has the hots for destro and that’s it, I was not happy with the Baroness/ Duke crap. I get the joke, however I don’t remember her ever liking anyone but Destro.
That just ruined my enjoyment of the movie, I liked it otherwise
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This movie was the second worst movie I’ve ever seen. ( the worst was scary movie) And I sat through Transformers 2 a few weeks ago. And Wolverine wayyyyyyy better than this.
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Technically, G.I. Joe is awful, with the bare minimum of plot, cheesy dialogue, and action stereotypes, which is also why it works so very well.
Let me put it this way. G.I. Joe is based off old fashioned American patriotism. Yes the Baroness shows cleavage while walking through the north pole, there’s a black comedy sidekick, everybody cheers and applauds in a briefing room after hearing a Joe survived. Frankly without these action clichés, G.I. Joe just wouldn’t be… well, G.I. Joe. Hell, I’m mildly disappointed a wild Sgt Slaughter didn’t appear and proceed to impale cobras with the American flag. IT’S G.I. FUCKIN’ JOE BITCH!
I enjoyed this more than many other summer blockbusters like Die Hard 4. The amount of action was insane, with a few hastily jammed in scenes explaining plot kept as short as possible so they can get back to blowing shit up. Even the character flashbacks had action in them.
So there you have it. G.I. Joe certainly won’t win any awards, or go down in history as a classic movie, but if you’re up for an orgy of brainless 2 hour long explosions, give it a chance.
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Thought the film was very well done in spite of the fact the trailer made it look like the movie was a power ranger rip-off. A lot of the dialog that people said was pretty bad didn’t watch the series back in the day; the joe team and Cobra yelling their battlecries before and during the battles (yo, joe! and Coooobra respectively) a good example. Anyone remember Serpentor, “This I command!”? Or how about during the show if someone on the cobra side so much as screwed up just a little bit during battle, “Retreat! Retreat!”
This pretty close to the original source material as one can get for a movie. Cobra Commander and Destro, yeah they didn’t do them justice.
I give the movie a 6 out of 10. Decent action summer flick; big, dumb, loud and yet very proud. “Yo, joe!”
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omg are you guys serious? this is my first time where I disagree with this many people but this movie was a big pile of shit, the only thing it delivered well was the action and thats it.
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Actually, that´s all you need to know about this movie, I mean, you really think we have to believe in a story obviously written with booms all over it? No, that´s the point, the movie isn´t trying to be serious or really deep, it´s just fun and nonstop action
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Cobra´s soldiers do look like Army of two dudes and how they are gonna follow the rivalry between snake Eyes and Storm Shadow? The movie kick ass by the way.
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I saw it Friday and I went in with low expectations and that is what I got. It was mediocre at best. A 5/10 critically speaking and maybe a 7/10 for the fanboy in me. I own the entire Sunbow series box set from Shout Factory on DVD. I’ve been watching it a good bit lately. It is cheesy and cornball, but so much fun.
I thought there were several problems with it:
- Bad CGI. I noticed many times obvious CGIed objects and sets. For example in the opening during the escort of the warheads. Helicopters fly past the camera towards the distance. I’ve seen CGI of equal quality on Sci-FI channel movies it was that bad. When the mole pods break into The Pit, they are obvious CGI except for the part the people exit. When the joes enter the cobra base, it is obvious they are blue screened. What happened to the classic style of real sets and objects. TF: ROTF featured giant robots that were more believable in being next to a human than much of the CGI in GI Joe.
- god awful writing. The overall scheme was decent with the nanobytes and such, but the dialogue and several of the back stories were garbage. the Duke-Baroness-Doctor triangle thing was stupid.
- The costumes. The suits were stupid (Snake eyes and Storm Shadow were fine as was Baroness). Cobra Commander’s costume is ass. Give him the hood or the metallic face mask, not some clear plastic halloween mask. Hell a Richard Nixon mask like in Point Break would look better. Also Destro’s face mask was garbage as well.
- Duke can’t act…
- Ripcord was unfunny comedic relief and unneeded. Give me Roadblock you big stupid c*ck… sorry tried to rhyme there…
The movie had some good stuff in it. Mainly anything with Storm Shadow and Snake Eyes. The kid fight was kick ass. Sad when two 10 year olds kicking the crap outta each other is better than half the film. Overall plot (scheme) would fit with the cartoon.
I guess I feel a bit towards this movie like haters of ROTF. To each his own. Glad you enjoyed it Joe.. I will get this on DVD because I know Rifftrax will mock this film.. and it deserves it..
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battles….more battles….horrific dialogue…..explosions…..unintresting characters……more battles…..stupid costumes….aaaaaannnnnnnddddd film.
american cinema 1894-2009 R.I.P.
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I’m with you on alot of things here Joe. The movie started out with what the audience needed to see. The battles were just the right mix of awesome and some of the fights had an underlying intelligence that helped things progress. Snake Eyes is badass personified in this movie, you show me someone who can leap over a flying car and land on top of a moving hummer, or whatever the hell kind of car he landed on! And all without the aid of superpowers, a rope, not a damn thing but Snake Eyes’ own skill.
I’m with you on the dialogue, some was just so friggin’ corny that it was a groan inducer for the entire crowd. Ripcord did occasionally get on my nerves, but he grew on me like the accelerator suits. Someone explain to me why Ripcord is the only joe to get arrested, TWICE!? Aside from that, the neverending flash backs were a bit of a turn off. With me it removed me from the action and when we came back to it I felt somewhat lost, or I just didn’t care about the backstory and just wanted to see stuff explode. Bottom line, the good far outweighs the bad with this flick.
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Hell yeahs. I was all about this thing since the Super Bowl. And I have the original series too and both are the same – straight up action and fights all the time. I would have gone with a 9. It was amazing and made me forget about Transformers 2.
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it was decent, i expected it to be a cheesefest
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Joe I loved this movie. The battles were amazing from the first minute. I thought the dialogue was good. Ripcord was funny Duke was awsome like when he first talked to the Joes about giving them the nanobots. I loved how they gave flashbacks for Snakeyes like why he doesn’t speak. 9/10
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It was fun. I’d go 7.5/10. The dialogue did make me go “oh god!”, but it was better than Transformers. It was meant to be a fun film and it was. This didn’t try to be “Citizen Kane”, and you were rewarded with a good action film and a few chuckles. It wasn’t Star Trek, as you said, but not bad and it had a lot fun moments. I was kind of reminded of “Team America: World Police”, so it kind of made me laugh more than I otherwise might have. If Matt Stone and Trey Parker tried to make that more serious, it would have been “G.I. Joe” with puppets.
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Yeah i can see resemblance on that cobra commanders helmet too
hope they make army of three/four some day.
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Nice review sounds like i good action film I never remember waching that cartoon but i sure played with the toys. I might get some money by getting back on my noodle “diet” well actually i already am only eatting noodles for breakfast and dinner. ill be sure to support this movie with my money.
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Hey Joe, i saw this movie the day it came out and there wasn’t a big crowd of all, and this was the first viewing. I thought it was brilliant film great effects, sweet ass battles, ninjas and guns going together is awesome and nice characters expect Destro, didn’t like his accent lol. i would give it 9 out of 10
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