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Kaz32

I'm going to play Ride to Hell Retribution. Wish me luck. Update: I beat it.

64 posts in this topic

Ok, so I made a bet with Draguno that if Germany lost the World Cup, he'll have to buy Twisted Chi either a pizza, Donner or a game worth €10. And if Germany won, I will play Ride To Hell Retribution as punishment. "Inhale" "exhale". Guess what happens. Damn it Argentina was so close!


This is just an announcement that i will indeed play this game, and this will be an "apocalypse diary" sort of thread to recount my insanity playing this game. Wish me luck.


istock_000018826169small.jpg

 

Joy-SPACE-Visualization.jpg

I BEAT THIS GAME! WOHOO!

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And so sports has taken another victim. I suppose we will remember you fondly.

Queenbugs12 likes this

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You should make a Let's Play out of it and put it up on YouTube.

I've always wanted to watch this game being played.

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Can I have your fish when you die?

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You should make a Let's Play out of it and put it up on YouTube.

I've always wanted to watch this game being played.

There are a couple of people that have unfortunately played this game and posted them on youtube, like this one.

Unfortunately I can't record it because my internet can't handle the upload size, but I will recount my experience playing this game with this thread.

Verethragna likes this

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Unfortunately I can't record it because my internet can't handle the upload size, but I will recount my experience playing this game with this thread.

 

Ah. Well you have my sympathies regardless. I wanted Argentina to win too.

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You deserve this!!! I will feast on your rage as you play this game.

Just 1 question.

 

You ever slice an ear off'n baby cow?

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You ever slice an ear off'n baby cow?

 

*Drowns Draguno in a fountain, an expression of constipation written on his face*

and Emphase like this

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Just 1 question.

 

You ever slice an ear off'n baby cow?

Nope. Can't say I have. I did slice hundreds of boars and panthers in Red Dead Redemption though.

Alright, bought this game for 45 cents in my local game store and this game is installed to my laptop. Let's do this!

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Ok, so the game starts with that intro in mr Joe's video. Jake rides his bike and all of a sudden you're dropped into a turret section. Goddamn the controls for this thing is so slippery, it's like my mousepad was covered in butter of something. After that is done, you're doing a QTE fight scene. I was curious and try to just not press the button prompt. Guess what happens: nothing! The fight just goes on like normal. No penalty for pressing the wrong button too so that's at least ok. Good thing it's not like Shenmue where the QTE prompt just flashes out of fucking nowhere.

Alright, then there's the driving section with Jake and his brother. The controls is pretty slippery, but it's not uncontrollable. I was surprised that there's collectables in this game. Collectable cards that shows the characters in the game. I only got 1 though so far. The funny thing with this driving segment is the QTE battle you do with the enemy. If you have the knife equipped, you'll do this overly long stab the knife, twist the knife and then snap the guy's neck. Just in case it's not enough the first time. Strangely enough when you get the wrench, Jake just hit the guy and kick him off the bike, no overly long kill like before.

So far not that bad. Maybe this game wouldn't be so bad after all!

"Have you ever skin a baby coooooowwww? They screaaaaam and screaaaaaaam, it's funny."

...........

and Orpo like this

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Continuing on from that awful dialogue. I'll be honest, the voice acting in this game is hilarious. Jake sounds bored the whole time, and that cow guy lacks emotion. The ones that do a decent job so far is the guy with the white shirt and Jake's brother. I have heard voice acting in games that are infinitely worse than this. Listen to the voice acting in this game.



Man that is one Godawful voice acting. This game makes Ride to Hell sounds like a masterpiece.



So Jake's brother died, Jake got riddled with bullets, he somehow survives all that and he's out for revenge. This is pretty similar to most revenge movies, but one in particular that this reminds me of is the movie Machete.


So Jake's revenge starts with him chasing down that cow guy. Before he visits the motel the cow guy is currently in, there's this woman that is harassed by this fat guy. So I beat the crap out of him and...... Oh dear Lord in Heaven. WHY ARE THEY HAVING XXX IMMEDIATELY AFTER???? No thank you or "see you later tough guy", she just immediately have sex with you! No! You're not supposed to do that! Where's the establishing character relationship development before this???


Urgh anyway, I chased that cow guy into a factory, beating up other dudes along the way with my wrench. I'll say, the combat in this game is pretty varied. It's not as repetitive as I thought. You got a combo you can use, a block break attack and a counter attack. There's environmental instant kill attacks you can do to areas that has a blue icon on it, which means instant kill. And if you beat a guy long enough, you'll be able to use a rage mode indicated by a red icon on top of the guy's head. You press E and you beat the crap out of the enemies with whatever weapons you have. Brutally. If you use a wrench, you beat the crap out of your enemy and you whack his head in the end. If you use a knife, you stab the poor bastard and in the end poke their neck. It's pretty brutal. Weird thing is there's 3 QTE prompt. After you do the second prompt, which is to beat/stab enemies for a long time, if you miss the last QTE, the enemy recovers immediately, even though he should have died from it.


So after you beat up some thugs, you found out that the factory is filled with gun wielding thugs, and you need to find someone with an armoury of them. Good thing is there's this mechanic chick that can help you, but only if you help her go to someplace before. So I help drive her to the place she wants and guess what, another xxx scene. I skipped it because I don't give a crap about it.


She told me to go to a hangar where someone there is apparently a friend of Jake's father and that he can provide me with a weapon, after I beat his soldier. So I beat them and he gave me a revolver, and that after this I can go to an army truck to resupply or buy new fighting moves if I want, but I guess that's after you kill the cow guy first.


Next I go and kill everyone in that factory, and I have to say, the shooting segment is not too bad. It's ok. At least enemies in the game bleed a lot satisfyingly and headshots in this game is a one hit kill and not broken like in Operation Raccoon City where head shots do the same damage as a body shot. I fucking hate when games do that. The only enemy that can't die with a headshot is this Jason Voorhees lookalike. I easily beat him with my wrench.


So after I kill everyone in the factory, I chase down the cow guy, and... Hihihahahahaha....... The scene that plays is so funny. The cow guy says fuck you all like he's saying "fawkyoel". And after Jake kills the guy, he screams the most ridiculous sound I have ever heard while doing a tantrum like a little girl that wants a candy.
 

HIHIHAHAHAHAHA, oh my stomach, I can't stop laughing!

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HIHIHAHAHAHAHA, oh my stomach, I can't stop laughing!

 

I think this game has cost him his sanity already.

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A better wager would be Drake of the 99 dragons.

Or the best-er-est. Play ET.

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A better wager would be Drake of the 99 dragons.

Or the best-er-est. Play ET.

 

Don't make me put up a video of Bubsy 3D.

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Ok, so I made a bet with Draguno that if Germany lost the World Cup, he'll have to buy Twisted Chi either a pizza, Donner or a game worth €10. And if Germany won, I will play Ride To Hell Retribution as punishment. "Inhale" "exhale". Guess what happens. Damn it Argentina was so close!

This is just an announcement that i will indeed play this game, and this will be an "apocalypse diary" sort of thread to recount my insanity playing this game. Wish me luck.

istock_000018826169small.jpg

Which song would you like played at your funeral? 

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Which song would you like played at your funeral?

This song please.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=bGd8XEACQbQ&list=PL0379sy0MemdL6VVnD4SAEwS6I81vXLWy

Don't worry, it'll take much more than this to kill me.

 

I think this game has cost him his sanity already.

Don't worry, I'm still ok. I have played games that are Faaar worse than this. So bad in fact that I vomit. This game at least has a decent gameplay and hilarious voice acting. For now at least.

Anyway, after killing the cow guy, the game puts you in a small open world where you can sell your drugs, buy weapons & new fighting moves, and customise your bike. Weird thing is I got 20-30 drugs, but Inonly got $300 for them where in GTA Chinatown I should have gotten $10,000 for it. And after this I go to the army truck, and in here the guy sells weapons and new fighting moves that will make combat easier. I buy the increase counter attack damage and new combo that can do massive damage while breaking a block at the same time. Then I go to customise my bike so it becomes a cool Ghost Rider esque bike. Surprisingly the customisation is pretty varied. Every part of the bike is customizable, including the seat, the bike pouch, the engine, the lights, you name it. I think this game was supposed to be an open world game at one point like mr Joe said in the review. Too bad since I quite like the customisation.

After that I get to choose 2 missions. One is to kill the machete guy that slashes Jake's brother, and the other one is to kill the stereotypical Texas looking guy. I choose the machete guy's mission.

This has 3 stages. The first one is to find a way to get into the fighting tournament that the machete guy is the champion of. To do this, I help out an old guy that has info on the tournament. Unfortunately he was getting beaten up by assholes, so I decided to help him by kicking their asses. After this he challenged me to a motorcycle race so that he knows if I'm worthy to enter the tournament or not. This old guy has a pretty decent voice acting. I beat him and he let me enter the tournament.

This fighting tournament consists of 4 enemies in a separate one on one fight, and their names are hilariously inconsistent. One guy had the name Crusher, the other Axe, the other Brian the Destroyer, yeah only he had a title after his name, and the the machete guy, I forgot his name. This is by far my favourite part of the game because it showcases Jake's fighting skills in the form of QTE attacks. Surprisingly Jake's martial art is Muay Thai, and he did impressive beatdowns to his enemies like an axe kick, an elbow strike, and a body knee which ends with a judo toss. I wish he has these moves when playing normally because normally he uses basic boxing attacks, and only kicks as a block breaker.

So I beat the machete guy, and Jake wants to know who wanted him and his brother dead. Unfortunately he's stabbed by this hippie like character that looks like a hillbilly, and we got another "throwing tantrum like a little girl" from Jake. Hihahaha, he looks so stupid.

nickyzhere likes this

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This song please.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HTWpAYIuSSU

Don't worry, it'll take much more than this to kill me.

Don't worry, I'm still ok. I have played games that are Faaar worse than this. So bad in fact that I vomit. This game at least has a decent gameplay and hilarious voice acting. For now at least.

Anyway, after killing the cow guy, the game puts you in a small open world where you can sell your drugs, buy weapons & new fighting moves, and customise your bike. Weird thing is I got 20-30 drugs, but Inonly got $300 for them where in GTA Chinatown I should have gotten $10,000 for it. And after this I go to the army truck, and in here the guy sells weapons and new fighting moves that will make combat easier. I buy the increase counter attack damage and new combo that can do massive damage while breaking a block at the same time. Then I go to customise my bike so it becomes a cool Ghost Rider esque bike. Surprisingly the customisation is pretty varied. Ever part of the bike is customizable, including the seat, the bike pouch, the engine, the lights, you name it. I think this game was supposed to be an open world game at one point like mr Joe said in the review. Too bad since I quite like the customisation.

After that I get to choose 2 missions. One is to kill the machete guy that slashes Jake's brother, and the other one is to kill the stereotypical Texas looking guy. I choose the machete guy's mission.

This has 3 stages. The first one is to find a way to get into the fighting tournament that the machete guy is the champion of. To do this, I help out an old guy that has info on the tournament. Unfortunately he was getting beaten up by assholes, so I decided to help him by kicking their asses. After this he challenged me to a motorcycle race so that he knows if I'm worthy to enter the tournament or not. This old guy has a pretty decent voice acting. I beat him and he let me enter the tournament.

This fighting tournament consists of 4 enemies in a separate one on one fight, and their names are hilariously inconsistent. One guy had the name Crusher, the other Axe, the other Brian the Destroyer, yeah only he had a title after his name, and the the machete guy, I forgot his name. This is by far my favourite part of the game because it showcases Jake's fighting skills in the form of QTE attacks. Surprisingly Jake's martial art is Muay Thai, and he did impressive beatdowns to his enemies like an axe kick, an elbow strike, and a body knee which ends with a judo toss. I wish he has these moves when playing normally because normally he uses basic boxing attacks, and only kicks as a block breaker.

So I beat the machete guy, and Jake wants to know who wanted him and his brother dead. Unfortunately he's stabbed by this hippie like character that looks like a hillbilly, and we got another "throwing tantrum like a little girl" from Jake. Hihahaha, he looks so stupid.

So apparently you cracked the code. You need to look at a bad game like a parody of a good game. That way it makes everything funny!

Kaz32 and Verethragna like this

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So apparently you cracked the code. You need to look at a bad game like a parody of a good game. That way it makes everything funny!

I imagine that this game was an obscure game from the late PS2 or early PS3 era. Considering how Godawful the games that era are, this is not that bad.

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I hope you not get possesed by a demon after playing this game.

XBCRCBT.gif

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So apparently you cracked the code. You need to look at a bad game like a parody of a good game. That way it makes everything funny!

 

In all fairness, the title does sound like that of a Summer Grindhouse flick.

Actually, if you look at the opening gibberish scenes as a trailer for such a movie ...

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