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Kingdom Hearts 3 review. Muah, byoutiful!!

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So, after 13 long years since the last Kingdom Hearts numbered game 2, and a plethora of actually important games for handhelds, we FINALLY got Kingdom Hearts 3. And it is........ magnificent.

Image result for kingdom hearts 3


For those of you that don't know the plot of the previous games, I suggest watching a youtube video of the entire lore's plot summary, because you pretty much have to know what happens in all the previous games to finally make sense of this game's plot. Just like having to watch the previous MCU films before going into Avengers Infinity War! But basically for those that has played the previous games, you just need to know this:


It's the game where everyone, and I mean EVERYONE from Birth By Sleep, Kingdom Hearts 358/2 Days and even the freaking mobile phone game Union χ finally come together to close their stories, and it is also the long awaited game where you finally kick old man Xehanort's smug candy ass all over the damn place. While also exploring the newest Disney film universe, and even reliving some of them in a surprisingly well detailed shot by shot recreation that took me by complete surprise. If you come for these things, then this game is your dream come true!


The gameplay of this game is, MUAH, purrrfecto. It's the culmination of every Kingdom Hearts games before, but made 10 times better by having the combat mechanic SOOO fluid & SOOO much more free flowing than ever before. Take most of the great combat from Kingdom Hearts 2, add the Shotclock mechanic from Birth By Sleep, make every single keyblade in this game able to transform into different weapons with their own specific finishing blows, and add in Disney Park rides. You pretty much get a combat that's literally a kid's playground of destruction, and it is BEAUTIFUL. And that's not counting the always awesome set piece boss fights for you to fight, which this game has SOOO many of. My favorite is definitely the entire damn part in the final area of the game, because oh..... oh my....... They're fucking amazing man. So many bosses, so many epic shit, especially the part with Union X..... wow...... now THAT is Nier Automata level of epic shit. Go play the game to find out because I want to play those boss fights again!


The movie worlds you get to travel this time are pretty much these:

Hercules part 3


Toy Story 2.5

Monster's Inc 2


Winnie the Pooh

Pirates of the Carribean 3

Big Hero 6

Thankfully the dialogue scripts for this game reduced the cheesy and cringy as hell dialogue of the previous KH games, so now everyone speaks like normal people and not talk about hearts all the damn time, especially the Pixar worlds & Big Hero 6 which I freaking love since the dialogue are so natural & funny. Well...... actually they still do talk about hearts here and there, but they're significantly way less so that's awesome!


Hercules, Tangled, Frozen and Pirates are pretty much recreations of the movie's events, similar to previous KH games. Only this time I was so completely surprised by how close to the films the recreations for Tangled and Frozen are, to the point where I couldn't tell the difference between the film and the game's cutscenes until I see the youtube video comparison. Like this sequence from Tangled.

THAT'S HOW GOOD THE WHOLE THING IS. Which unfortunately also means that Elsa has to sing that damn accursed song that's sung a billionth time already. You know the one






Toy Story, Monsters Inc and Big Hero 6 on the other hand takes place after their films, though Toy Story is apparently set between 2 & 3. And yes, Kingdom Hearts 3's event is actually freaking canon to Toy Story. Don't know if it's the same with Monsters Inc and Big Hero 6, but after playing the stories, I WANT them to be canon. Because it is such a perfect continuation to the films.


Ah, and of course you can't be Kingdom Hearts without the addicting as hell minigames thrown in! And there's so. So. SOOOOO many of them to play. Aside from the surprisingly WAAY more awesome than before Gummi ship parts, which also surprisingly includes a boss from Einhander, a really damn good PS1 shooter btw,

Fun fact: the developer of the Gummi ship segment also works on Einhander


Some other minigame highlights: Tangled has a fun dancing together minigame, Frozen has extreme Goofy bobsled, Twilight Town has you cooking with Remy from Ratatouille controlling you


And the  "classic kingdom" games collection, which is pretty much one of those Tiger Handheld games back in the 90s


Though the best one out of all is definitely Pirates of the Carribean, because you pretty much play a smaller version of Assassin's Creed 4 Black Flag where you explore islands for treasures and shoot at enemies with your ship cannons. But even better because your ship can do SO many cool shit with magic. OMG this part is SO GOOD! So good in fact that it puts Ubisoft's upcoming Skull & Bones and Sea of Thieves to freaking shame.


Although this game is, MUAH, a byoutiful game, there's just some part that I can nitpick. Like how in the Tangled world, even though I am the one who actually play a lot with Rapunzel and show her many fun stuff in the jungle that make her smile and happy, she still fall in love with Flynn. IT MAKES NO DAMN SENSE! He does jack shit, and he still gets the girl because the movie said so. That's like if in Persona 5 if I spend my entire time maximizing my romance stat with Makoto, but in the end she falls in love with Ryuji even though they barely interract with one another. Like.... what in the actual fuck???? Why can't Sora get love from the ladies besides Kairi?? Give this poor kid some love damn it! 


Second nitpick is what I already mentioned before: that song from Frozen is here and I have to listen to it all over again! Oh yeah, the Frozen area is also my least favorite area in the whole game, because it's full of snow and mazes that look the same because of the snow. Also the fact that in the Frozen story, you pretty much just watch the film's events without any direct involvement, well outside of some parts where you talk to the characters, but the movie's events still happen. Isn't it better if you can actually be Elsa's hero instead of having her deal with the traumatic events like in the film? Because Sora is so much the perfect hero that can totally help her out and change the film's event for the better if the dev let it so.


Lastly, why is Kairi not allowed to show more of her badass skill? She's a keyblade master, and the most badass thing she did is kill a heartless in 1 cutscene. The rest? She's still the damsell in distress Kairi that needs to be rescued. Even freaking Aqua gets to do more awesome stuff in this game! ARRRGHHH, WHY????


Outside of those 3, this game is pretty much the game that I have been waiting for so long. It's a fucking amazing game, and I give this game the rating of "so awesome that you will play this game over and over and over again, playing all the minigames and playing the boss fights over and over again", with a badass seal of approval! 


And also, an easy GOTY 2019 candidate.


Goddamn, RE2 remake, Ace Combat 7 and this?? This January is fucking awesome!


Ah yeah, almost forgot. If you think this game is the end of Kingdom Hearts, HEEELLLLL naw. I mean it is for Xehanort, but not for the whole series, because this game sets up a new sequel at the end of the game, as well as even more unanswered questions that I am so looking forward to seeing solved in the future. We still don't get the answer for Kingdom Hearts X, like who the hell is the Master of Masters, what is in that black box Luxu had, what's the faces of the rest of the Foretellers look like, and WHAT IN THE HOLY MOTHER OF HELL IS THAT SECRET ENDING ALL ABOUT?? I WANT TO KNOW MORE DAMN IT, MORE!!!!

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